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Updated: Mar 15, 2020

Guess what just showed up in my email? Why the first capitulation from the gig companies doin it Wuhan style in a way that would make Mao proud!

That’s right bots and gigs! Postmates has become the first of the gigs to panic. In an email I just received, the company is informing the driver of the obvious.

Not to be outdone by the others who sent precautionary notes about how to deliver (as if you weren’t aware of the obvious) Postmates has determined, in its infinite wisdom, to elevate an already nervous situation by instructing us on how to leave a package at the customer’s door.

Now I’m not one to panic (and why would I be?) but if I didn’t have a lick of sense I would think that the world was coming to an end. Look folks, if you think about it, we have it a lot better than most food delivery peeps. If you’re delivering for a pizza place or some mom and pop exclusively then yeah, you got some issues to deal with.

When you’re out here doin the gig with a GrUber you don’t touch anything unless they’re payin ya in cash for a tip and that doesn’t happen much…at least not like it does if you’re workin for mom-n-pops or corporate dough. A buddy of mine that is still with them was delivering a pie the other day and a big, sweaty boomed woman came to the door and whipped out a fitty from her big breast nether regions. YUCK! The bill was all wet and NASTY and she didn’t even tip!

And let’s not forget about the schools you have to go into if you’re on the pizza dole. The essence is that at every point of contact (just about) you have to touch something to do with the customer during a transaction for the non-gig places. Most credit transactions require the customer to tip on the card so you swap pen germs.

The ‘meet outside’ paragraph is kinda strange, as though it assumes we go inside the customer’s house to play the piano or set the table or something…

It kinda reminds me of the customers who leave useful, notes for me when I look at the comments section. Ya know, the notes that always say something like, “ring the doorbell or knock upon arrival” no-really…they do. Thanks Captain Obvious.

I personally get a kick out of the ones that tell you to make sure the “hamburger has no pink”-in the driver instructions part of the app that you don’t see until you’re on your way or knocking on their door.

Oh…look! There it is, right next to the ‘how to access’ the building line.

My favorite of all is the where if you have any problem you just contact the customer directly. Because we all know the customer always answers the phone…right?

Look, I know this is a bit overblown reaction for me to have over a stupid email, but really? Is it too much to ask not to receive something that states the obvious and really does no good except maybe foment fear in an already phobic public that hides inside already?

For goodness sake, leave them alone. They’re already staying in. They’re not going to be protected against anything I might be carrying although I’m pretty insulated from them, as I am the one with very little opportunity of contact.

No sweaty boobs or nasty home scholars for me…no sir!

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